Wednesday, February 17, 2010


I am not quite sure when it happened. I cannot pinpoint a specific day, or even a month. I think it has rapidly deteriorated in the last two weeks, but I can't be sure. Somewhere, some how, I have gone stupid.

A few weeks ago, as I barreled my car through the night sky trying to accomplish the day's tasks, my cell phone lit up the cup holder next to me in the car. On the other end was a concerned parent of a student I tutor. She wanted to make sure everything was ok. Confused, I responded, "absolutely, every thing's great." She then proceeded to tell me she was concerned since I didn't show up to the house today at 4:00pm. Who forgets to go to their job?

Last week, in an unsuccessful attempt to sound semi-intelligent and simultaneously spiritual, my soliloquy abruptly ended when I forgot what I was talking about in the middle of a sentence. Who forgets words? In a coherent order? To make sentences?

This morning, in it's very wee hours, as I drudged out the door, and smashed a toe into the back fender of a Barbie scooter on my way into the car, I got my phone out to let someone know I was on my way to take them to the airport. As I stared at the phone waiting for my car to warm up, I couldn't remember the phone number. I scrolled through the out going call log to find the number and waited for the number to look familiar. I pushed send when I landed on one that I had called several times in as many days. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Crap! Wrong number. Who forgets their mother's phone number? Who randomly calls people at 5:00am?

I think my brains are falling out. Can that happen? Does it happen when you clean your ears too much? Or is it keeping up with the weekly schedule? Or does it rapidly magnify when you have to ask three children four hundred times a day to take out the trash, clean their toys up, and pick up their socks so the dogs don't chew them?

I am sure it is related to the grey hair I found sticking out of my scalp, right near the temple of my left eye, openly mocking me in my peripheral vision. I yanked it out.

I am not old and I am not dumb. At least in my own leaking mind.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Stop the Presses

"Dear Parents,

Turn off the TV for once and pay attention.

Regarding math:

The math we do is really easy. If your child is either too lazy or too stupid to finish it in class, I'm sending it home so that you can work with them and judge for yourself whether it is laziness or idiocy that inhibits your child's progress. We do part of it in class. How on earth they can NOT finish it is beyond me, but please help them with the part that we do NOT do in class. If your child is one of the mediocre few who excels on the homework, please congratulate them with a warm handshake or perhaps a halfhearted high-five, since finishing this homework is the equivalent of a twenty-year-old wanting to be congratulated for knowing how to tie his shoes.

Regarding Field trip lunches:
We have a peanut allergy in our room and a few in second grade in general. Because of this, everyone must eat nut-free foods. We also have a child who is mourning their puppy who got run over last week by a garbage truck, so we ask that no one wear anything resembling puppy fur, or that is red and flat. Further, one of our students has a nervous tick that causes him to slap himself in face several times a minute. In order to help this child not feel conspicuous, we ask that your child imitate a crazed masochist for the length of this field trip."

Let me just say, I am not really one for controversy. I mean sure I love a great debate, and if people have their proverbial panties in a bundle over something important to them, well then I am all ears. But generally I do not pump billows of air into a fire. But this was too good to pass up. It is all over the news and blog-o-sphere.

A principal in Phoenix valley was fired this week over a satirical letter he forwarded to one second grade teacher at the school. The letter was apparently marked to be sent home to students. The teacher did not read the letter before making the 25 copies and filing it in the students cubbies to be sent home amid paper bag puppets, worksheets, and writing journals. Oops!

The district office was flooded with calls from from 25 angry parents regarding the letter. As a result of sending the letter to one teacher, a teacher who did not read the content before sending it home, the principle was placed on administrative leave, and will not be allowed to return to the school, nor will he be allowed to take his scheduled position of principal at a new elementary school slated to open in July.

I could just leave it at that, and let you decide if the punishment fit the crime. But I am going out on a limb here, and pose the question, really? When did we become so sensitive? Ever made a joke at work? Ever work in an environment where the stress levels are so intense that you would be in a rubber room if you couldn't crack a few jokes? Ever work at a place where every year the demands increase while the funds diminish? Ever been in a classroom for 8 hours with 26 7 year olds? Can you discredit an individual's entire career because of the principle of immediacy?

Did it change your feelings if I told you he's Mormon?

I'm just sayin'...Think about it. And don't shoot the messenger, er the blogger.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Love You!

Ten Things I Love About You...

1. I love to tell the story of the day you were born. You were in a hurry then, and still rush to where ever you are going.

2. I love that you still are a snuggler. My favorite is when you crawl up into bed and wiggle in bum first until you are wedged right up against me with those cold little toes.

3. I love that you have more personality in your itty bitty pinkie than I do in my entire being.

4. I love when you talk out of the side of your mouth, especially since you know we are all going to laugh when you do it.

5. I love to listen to you sing "I Am a Child of God."

6. I love how much you love your brother and sister and want to spend as much time as you can with them.

7. I love how smart you are. I am continually surprised at what you know and say.

8. I love the way you scrunch your nose when you smile.

9. I love your enthusiasm for everything you do. Whether it is playing with friends, or going to the store, you love it all!

10. I love that you are my little buddy and want to go with me everywhere. I love spending time with you.

We are so grateful to have you as a member of our family!!!!
Happy Birthday wee one...