Brand New Day

Crazy hair day for a crazy life!

Not so long ago sucrose guy (we are far to poor to call him sugar daddy, but he's still sweet) and I were in the car having a discussion about the experiences we have had in the past year and why different experiences are not readily coming to us. He suggested that I need to write down the experiences we were having so that we could reflect on them, and learn what we needed to learn so that we could move on.



I immediately dismissed the idea, since nearly every day he tells me that I need to write more, sell a book, blah, blah, blah. This in combination with the fact that I not really into journaling, and the fact that I am not into overly personal blogs, was enough to swiftly give him my usual brush off. He however, is quite used to my tactics and made me give him a date by which I would promise to write the experiences down. I grumbled, but being more fed up with life circumstances than I am blogging, I have met the day of my deadline and am sitting at the computer writing them down. Kind of...



Growing up my aunt used to have a large crystal that hung over the kitchen sink in front of the window. Even on a cloudy day, the prism would reflect light from several different surfaces. I think trials are much in the same, in that they can be viewed from many different angles. The cheery "oh I am so blessed because I have this this and this angle." The dodgy "I'm fine" angle. The optimistic "well I know it could be so much worse" angle. And the forgotten perspective angle of "Holy crap when is this going to be over?" I have mastered many of these angles. However, my favorite is the "complain about everything minor in your life to everyone around you so you don't have to talk about the real stuff" angle. Since we are just being honest, and he is making me write it all down, I will tell you sucrose guy latched onto the "I don't want to talk about it" angle for most of this year.



Before I begin the list of experiences we have had this past year, I must tell you I have heard every pep talk on the planet. We have had our names put on prayer roles, we have had council, and we have had help. Above all, yes I know, it could be worse. We have friends hold newborns only a few hours before they left mortality, we have had friends loose battles with cancer, we have had loved ones struggle with disease and financial ruin. I am grateful what I have maintained and grown through this year. I am grateful we have been provided for and most importantly that we have not been swallowed up in despair, but rather found great joy in the things around us. I am grateful that even after short selling a house and losing $200,000 on a house for a job transfer, Nathan having two kidney surgeries, then losing his job, being out of work for four months, completely dissolving all of our life savings, finding a new job but at a 65% pay cut and no health care, praying the kids don't get sick because we can't afford to take them to the doctor, a kindergartner who struggled through the first year of school, a son who has struggled immensely to find his place in this new world we moved him into, and me being completely immobile for a month after tearing all of the ligaments in my ankle that we have still found joy in our lives. I am grateful that I still know how to laugh at life and all that it entails.



I am grateful that while I certainly have had moments of disbelief at being able to financially survive another day, I still find joy in having dinner together as a family, swimming together at the pool, acting out Book of Mormon stories in Family Home Evening, and brownie Sunday. Because at the end of the day, I know that happiness is my responsibility, no one can find it for me, and no one can take it away.