School House Rocks...

All summer long we have been preparing Caitlyn for school as Logan walks around the house repeating "kindergarten baby, stick your head in gravy." She thought she was pretty cool going to big kid school like her brother, she wasn't scared at all. So I thought, "sweet, no weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth for the first day of school." And that was all true...at least for her. You would think with this being my second to go to kindergarten that it wouldn't be so hard to let her go. Especially after a summer of,

"Mmmmooommmm, Logan hit me"

Mom sighs and says "Logan, come here" (repeated three times before it needs to be screamed because he isn't listening)

Logan defensively and flippantly replies "What? She hit me first!"

To which mom spews, "Caitlyn, did you hit him"

Caitlyn finally responds in a puddle of tears "But he wasn't being nice to me."

You could easily interject Reagan into these exchanges using short, piercing screams instead of actual words.

Yes it was a summer full of these little scenes, and I was sooooo ready for school to start. That is until the moment I took the picture of the two of them, on the front steps, complete with backpacks, all ready to start school. That's the moment my eyes started to leak. Thinking that I could have complete control of my emotions, and refusing to cry, I instead focused on something that Nathan was doing to tick me off, so that I conjure the rage and not the tears. It didn't take long, he was filming me walking with the kids up the street and I HATE being on camera. Poor Nathan.

In the ten minutes it took to get to school in the flesh melting heat (yes it is already 90 degrees by 8:30 am) I pretty much had it under control. But in my need to keep it together, I neglected to focus on Logan's emotions for the day. After all, it was his first day at a new school, in a new state. The complaining of the bananas on the waffles for breakfast was starting to make sense. He was going to puke from the nerves, not my cooking.

While walking into the school, I opted to take Logan to his class. I couldn't handle the kindergarten corridor. Way to many tears, and far to much potential for me to mix my own tears into the sweat dripping from my nose. All Logan had to say was "I know where I am going, bye mom."

On my way back to meet up with Nathan, I peaked in on the kindergarten class that had more parents than students. I was strong, and brave, and I could take that picture of her in class without any tears. Chyeah right. I took the picture biting my bottom lip while Caitlyn humored me with a shot at her desk. I told her "Bye Caitlyn, have a great first day, I love you." A monster lump was in my throat, but I made it though. The last words I heard from her that morning were "Bye Mom." Said in a slight tone of disgust? Nice.

And so it is the blessing and the curse of independent children.