Sissy

Perhaps the longest running joke around here is that I always said I never wanted kids and now, I have four. I could say priorities changes, the things you value most come into focus, and a new - better vision presents itself to you if you are willing, but really when it comes right down to it, I would say, I had no idea.

When Logan came along, I was so glad we were having a boy first. I had always wanted an older brother to serve as a make shift protector to shelter me. And while my younger brother certainly towers over me now, and would throw down with anyone who crosses me, back in the day is was me threatening to throw down on the playground with anyone who taunted him. I have always known the value of having a brother. What I under estimated was the power of sisters.

I didn't grow up with sisters. There was no one to fight over clothes with, or yell at for hanging out with my friends, and no bond that was forged in sisterhood. Not that I am complaining, we can't understand that which we do not know. So when I started having kids, I wanted boys. All boys. They seemed less complicated, less weepy, and easier to raise.

When I was pregnant with Eden, the week following the ultrasound was rough. Unequivocally, I was selfish and ungrateful. I was disappointed that Logan would never have a brother, never know what that was like, and I would not have the opportunity to again enjoy all the things boys do. There were so many wrongs with Logan that I wanted to right. Things I hadn't known then.

What I negated was the pure unfiltered joy of having girls in the house. Nothing compares to watching Reagan and Caitlyn painting at the easel together, or listening to them giggle in their beds before going to sleep, or watching Eden light up with glee when one of her sisters comes around. I love watching them serve one another. Even among the fights over clothes, sharing friends during play dates, and the general screams of annoyance, there is this unspoken bond forged daily in the refining fires of life.

I often watch in awe as these moments unfold, I treasure them, and I realize that I posses the greatest blessings ever known, even though I never knew I wanted them.

A Blessing

Did you ever think, dear Mother,
As the seeds of me you sowed,
As you breathed new life inside of me
And slowly watched me grow,
In all your dreams about me
When you planned me out so well,
When you couldn't wait to have me there
Inside your heart to dwell,

Did you ever think that maybe,
I was planning for you, too,
And choosing for my very own
A mother just like you?
A mother who smelled sweet and who
had hands so creamy white,
A tender, loving creature
Who would soothe me in the night?

Did you ever think in all those days
While you were coming due,
That as you planned a life for me
I sought a life with you?
And now as I lay in your arms,
I wonder if you knew
While you were busy making me,
I was choosing you!

--Unknown author

Oh No She Didn't

She looks so innocent lying there. Like maybe that's how she behaves all day. Well that would not exactly be true. Something inside of her has awakened...and I am not going to lie, it's a little beasty. She is not the first of my children to have this awakening. In fact, we are three for three. It is during these awakenings I want to send them on the slow boat to China for a six month cruise.

But because there are now two older siblings to try and outwit, she is getting pretty crafty. Last week when we went to Costco, I promised her a churro. Upon receiving said churro despite questionable behavior in the store including a rousing game of "Where's Waldo," she immediately licked one entire side so that I couldn't share it with her. Did I mention she's two? Two.

This week's antics include squirting carpet cleaner into the tv while I was trying to srub out the blueberries she mashed in the carpet, resulting in the tv shorting out and being unusable. She has peed countless times on floor because she didn't want to stop what she was doing to go to the bathroom, most notable was was when she peed at the table because she didn't want to leave her dinner. It was not quite the cooking compliment I was looking for. She has stuck gum in her eyelashes, stickers up her nose, drawn on every wall up the stairs, and painted her foot with white out from daddy's office. Yesterday I found a pink streak of lip gloss down the dog's back. She's lucky she's cute...it could very well be her life saving mechanism.