Sissy

Perhaps the longest running joke around here is that I always said I never wanted kids and now, I have four. I could say priorities changes, the things you value most come into focus, and a new - better vision presents itself to you if you are willing, but really when it comes right down to it, I would say, I had no idea.

When Logan came along, I was so glad we were having a boy first. I had always wanted an older brother to serve as a make shift protector to shelter me. And while my younger brother certainly towers over me now, and would throw down with anyone who crosses me, back in the day is was me threatening to throw down on the playground with anyone who taunted him. I have always known the value of having a brother. What I under estimated was the power of sisters.

I didn't grow up with sisters. There was no one to fight over clothes with, or yell at for hanging out with my friends, and no bond that was forged in sisterhood. Not that I am complaining, we can't understand that which we do not know. So when I started having kids, I wanted boys. All boys. They seemed less complicated, less weepy, and easier to raise.

When I was pregnant with Eden, the week following the ultrasound was rough. Unequivocally, I was selfish and ungrateful. I was disappointed that Logan would never have a brother, never know what that was like, and I would not have the opportunity to again enjoy all the things boys do. There were so many wrongs with Logan that I wanted to right. Things I hadn't known then.

What I negated was the pure unfiltered joy of having girls in the house. Nothing compares to watching Reagan and Caitlyn painting at the easel together, or listening to them giggle in their beds before going to sleep, or watching Eden light up with glee when one of her sisters comes around. I love watching them serve one another. Even among the fights over clothes, sharing friends during play dates, and the general screams of annoyance, there is this unspoken bond forged daily in the refining fires of life.

I often watch in awe as these moments unfold, I treasure them, and I realize that I posses the greatest blessings ever known, even though I never knew I wanted them.

Breathless

Dear 2020,

I have been catching glimpses of you for a while now. We have talked often of what you might bring and of how we might evolve into you. I have found it easier to look backward than to project forward. I have memories stored that have left me breathless, but to project into them is something I believed impossible.

I hold close the memory of when my sweet little curly haired girl became helpless to the virus within her and had to be hospitalized at 9 months old. I remember so clearly the paramedics whisking away her limp, naked, little body in her car seat strapped to a stretcher. I wanted time to stop. I wanted to go back and redo whatever I could have done to prevent that moment from happening. At the hospital I believed that if I just held her the whole night instead of placing her in the metal crib I could will her better on my own. That I alone could take away her pain and make her breathe. That I could protect her and keep her safe from the world.

Last night my sweet little curly haired girl sat on a bench crying and coughing. I rushed over to her to see if she could breathe. Instinctively, I began the firm pats on the back between her shoulder blades, to which she squirmed away from me slightly and said she was fine. I asked her why she was crying. She said she was sad. She said Fiona's kiss couldn't save Schreck and he died. She told me Fiona loved Schreck but she couldn't save him and that wasn't fair. And suddenly it was me who couldn't breathe.

2020, I know you could be the year that some boy comes along and breaks my little girl's heart. You could be the year she learns love sometimes isn't enough to save us. That we can't will things to be simply by loving them. It will be a moment I will want to go back and redo whatever I can to keep that reality from her a little bit longer, take away her pain, protect her, and keep her safe from the world. By then she will be too big to hold through the night. Yet I will still attempt to will away her heartache.

Until then I will prepare her. I will show her that love saves us from more than anyone is capable of believing.

It's Important

100 reasons to vote yes on Prop 100

1. It's not about politics, or a tea party, being Republican or Democrat, or about some bureaucrat getting fat off of the profits, or even about an election year. It is about the state of education in one of the most under served states in the nation. Proportionately, Arizona's budget crisis is the worst in the nation. As is their education ranking and per pupil spending.

2. The bill is a constitutional amendment and protected by voter rights. The first paragraph clearly states 2/3 of the money generated will go directly to primary and secondary education. The other 1/3 goes to public safety. The second paragraph states the tax will be repealed on May 13, 2013. No smokescreens. It is a 1% sales tax increase for a three year term.

3. The 1% tax increase will affect families grocery bill $1 for every $100 spent. A bottle of water costs more than that.

4. The Arizona Tax Research organization, the MOST conservative watch dog organization in the entire state has come out in support of Prop 100 because they recognize the impact on schools without it.

5. PE, Art, Music, and Reading specialists have received their RIF (reduction in force) notices in many districts in the state. Ironically, legislation was also recently passed stating that if is child is considered illiterate in the 3rd grade, they will be retained until they are proficient in reading. Who will teach them?

6. Teachers are being asked to take furlough days (unpaid days off) and a reduction in salary and benefits. Currently, the pay for teachers in Arizona starts at approximately $32,000 a year. A six percent pay cut would be $1920, leaving teachers with a salary of $30008 before taxes. These are the people educating America's future.

7. One district in the state projects an additional $26 million in cutbacks if Prop 100 fails. This number is in addition to the $17 million in cut backs that have been made in the last two years.

8. Capital funding will be completely cut from school budgets. This includes items such as desks and chairs for students, as well as textbooks and technology.

9. Class sizes are projected to increase by at least 3 students in every classroom. This means an average 1st grade classroom could have 27 students. If even 7 of them struggle with reading, there will not be enough classroom resources to support them, and reading specialists will be cut. A students chance at success significantly decreases, as does their projected likeliness of graduating high school.

10. This bill is expected to generate $918 million annually for education and public safety.

11. Response times for police and fire will go up by approximately 4 minutes. The average brain can only go without oxygen for 4 minutes before brain damage occur. Those additional four minutes of response time will cost thousands of lives.

12. The medivac helicopters for use in Northern Arizona will no longer receive funding. Response times for those helicopters coming from the south will be more than an hour.

13. Schools will be told to absorb the rising cost of utilities into their own budgets. In some parts of the state Arizona American Water is asking for 100% rate increases. These increases will create further cutbacks in the schools.

14. Pay to Play could be implemented. Any student wishing to play in school athletics will be required to pay. This will impact many low income families.

15. This is for the child who's favorite part of the day is Music because it is a part of the day they feel successful.

15. This is for the child who's favorite part of the day is Art because it is there they hear "Well Done!" regularly.

16. This is for the child that cannot afford playing club sports but got a scholarship to college playing high school football, basketball, or soccer.

17. This is for the child who struggles to read and needs more help than one teacher alone can give.

18. This is for my first grader who loves her teacher who taught her to love school.

19. This is for my fourth grader is inspired by his teacher to go to college.

20. This is for my toddler who wants to grow up and be a big kid that goes to school.

21. This is for the students I tutor.

22. This is for the the gifted students and future inventors of the world.

23. This is for the school librarian who took a significant pay cut just so she could stay with the children, and yet may still lose her job.

24. This is for the 23 first graders and 26 fourth graders I see every Friday in class.

25. This is for the Advanced Placement students in High School.

26. This is for all of the students attending Charter schools and Montessori's who's education will be impacted in many of the same ways.

27. This is for the firefighter called to rescue a drowning child in a swimming pool.

28. This is for the firefighter called to rescue a mother or father in a car accident.

29. This is for the parent who must call an ambulance and pray they get there fast enough.

30. This is for the police officer who jeopardizes his own life to safe another.

31. This is to ensure our children get an education which will allow them to compete in a global market.

32. This is to ensure our public safety.

33. This is for my brother who is a teacher.

34. This is for my neighbors who want the best for their children

35. This is for the reader who has a dream for their child that starts with a proper education...

There are indeed 65 more reasons and budget cuts I could list. There are 65 reasons you might give to refute it. No more taxes is one I hear often. But me, I will gladly pay the extra one dollar in one hundred to see my daughter's face light up when she shows me the picture she drew at school, or when she passes a sign and says, "Look mom, that sign says Best Friends. My best friends at school are Anna and Alexa." I will gladly pay that one dollar in one hundred to see my son carrying his trumpet to band next year. I will pay it over and over again to ensure that if I ever needed an ambulance, they would respond fast enough to save my life, or the life of someone I loved.

For more information on Prop 100 please visit www.yeson100.com. Early ballots were mailed yesterday, and the vote is May18th. However you exercise your right, please get out and vote.

If you live in the state of Arizona, or have a gallery of readers that do, please consider giving your 100 reasons to vote yes on Prop 100, or re-post these. Please help get the word out.