Perhaps the longest running joke around here is that I always said I never wanted kids and now, I have four. I could say priorities changes, the things you value most come into focus, and a new - better vision presents itself to you if you are willing, but really when it comes right down to it, I would say, I had no idea.
When Logan came along, I was so glad we were having a boy first. I had always wanted an older brother to serve as a make shift protector to shelter me. And while my younger brother certainly towers over me now, and would throw down with anyone who crosses me, back in the day is was me threatening to throw down on the playground with anyone who taunted him. I have always known the value of having a brother. What I under estimated was the power of sisters.
I didn't grow up with sisters. There was no one to fight over clothes with, or yell at for hanging out with my friends, and no bond that was forged in sisterhood. Not that I am complaining, we can't understand that which we do not know. So when I started having kids, I wanted boys. All boys. They seemed less complicated, less weepy, and easier to raise.
When I was pregnant with Eden, the week following the ultrasound was rough. Unequivocally, I was selfish and ungrateful. I was disappointed that Logan would never have a brother, never know what that was like, and I would not have the opportunity to again enjoy all the things boys do. There were so many wrongs with Logan that I wanted to right. Things I hadn't known then.
What I negated was the pure unfiltered joy of having girls in the house. Nothing compares to watching Reagan and Caitlyn painting at the easel together, or listening to them giggle in their beds before going to sleep, or watching Eden light up with glee when one of her sisters comes around. I love watching them serve one another. Even among the fights over clothes, sharing friends during play dates, and the general screams of annoyance, there is this unspoken bond forged daily in the refining fires of life.
I often watch in awe as these moments unfold, I treasure them, and I realize that I posses the greatest blessings ever known, even though I never knew I wanted them.
