A Blessing

Did you ever think, dear Mother,
As the seeds of me you sowed,
As you breathed new life inside of me
And slowly watched me grow,
In all your dreams about me
When you planned me out so well,
When you couldn't wait to have me there
Inside your heart to dwell,

Did you ever think that maybe,
I was planning for you, too,
And choosing for my very own
A mother just like you?
A mother who smelled sweet and who
had hands so creamy white,
A tender, loving creature
Who would soothe me in the night?

Did you ever think in all those days
While you were coming due,
That as you planned a life for me
I sought a life with you?
And now as I lay in your arms,
I wonder if you knew
While you were busy making me,
I was choosing you!

--Unknown author

babE

Eden Sophia Kroeger
April 7, 2011
8 lbs. 20 3/4 in.

Expectations

My husband often tells me I need to manage my expectations. He says I am too hard on people. Maybe set the bar a little too high for most. But in my own head, I set the bar no higher for anyone else than I do for myself. Therein lies the problem. In my own head.

I am a control freak. I will be the first to admit it. So when my life doesn't go according to my plans, well...there's fret indeed. So far nothing about baby number 4 has been predicable or controlled. At the first ultrasound, there was no baby. At the second ultrasound there was a little seahorse who had yet to sprout arms and legs, but had a wonderfully strong heartbeat. But the doctor let us know there was a bleed. Not a large one, and it had shrunk from the first ultrasound, but it was there and we needed to be aware of it. At the third ultrasound, everything had healed and a little person with a heartbeat of 169 was already kicking at the ultrasound machine. Is it too early to say I think I saw a tongue being stuck out at me too?

Fret has become a constant already with this kid. So has the learning (and the morning, noon, and night sickness). I didn't know how scared I could be to lose something I didn't know I wanted so badly. I didn't know how much I could love someone just by seeing their heartbeat. I also think I realize that I control very little in life. I have put off letting the world in on our little creation for fear it will somehow be taken away. But my pants don't fit anymore and the lady at the bank is starting to look at me with the wondering eye of "is she gaining weight or is she pregnant." Having faith in the world and people around me needs to play a larger role in my life. That's what baby number 4 has already taught me. There are surely more to come when we meet in the spring.

Seven

A year in the life of Curly

*She loves her animals, especially her little puppy she dresses and sleeps with everyday

*She reads like a 2nd grade pro and whizes through math, but art will always be her first love

*Nothing excites her more than seeing a peace sign or heart design on cakes, shirts, art projects, just about anything

*She is quite competitive with her brother (we hope she out grows this one)

*She sings to the wee one when she cries at bedtime

*She loves to shop and looks adorable in just about anything

*Her second front tooth is finally almost in so we are just about done with the Nanny McPhee look

* She loves to get her nails done, well she loves just about any kind of pampering

*She might just have the purest heart I have ever seen in a person

Happy Birthday Baby Girl! We sure do love you!